The Ordered Life

From Table-Talk (“Of Marriage and Celibacy”).

….. But neither God’s ordinance, nor the gracious presence of children, the fruit of matrimony, moves the ungodly world, which beholds only the temporal difficulties and troubles of matrimony, but sees not the great treasure that is hid therein. …. Let the contemners and rejecters of matrimony go hang … who recognise not marriage, but live all together like animals … [DCCXX.]

….. None, indeed, should be compelled to marry; the matter should be left to each man’s conscience, for bride-love may not be forced. God has said: “It is not good that the man should be alone;” and St. Paul compares the church to a spouse, or bride and a bridegroom. …. [DCCXXI.]

….. A woman is, or at least should be, a friendly, courteous, and merry companion in life, whence they are named, by the Holy Ghost, house-honours, the honour and ornament of the house, and inclined to tenderness, for thereunto are they chiefly created, to bear children, and be the pleasure, joy, and solace of their husbands. [DCCXXVI.]

There is no greater plague in this life than a morose and unchaste wife. Solomon says, that to be married to a woman one dislikes, is the worst of calamities. [DCCXXIX.]

‘Tis a grand thing for a married pair to live in perfect union, but the devil rarely permits this. When they are apart, they cannot endure the separation, and when they are together, they cannot endure the always seeing one another. …. Married people must assiduously pray against these assaults of the devil. I have seen marriages where, at first, husband and wife seemed as though they would eat one another up: in six months they have separated in mutual disgust. ‘Tis the devil inspires this evanescent ardour, in order to divert the parties from prayer. [DCCXXXII.]

He who has an old, spiteful, quarrelsome, sickly wife, may fairly reckon himself in purgatory. [DCCXL.]

Concerning virginity, continence and marriage, we follow and defend the clear teaching of Paul in I Corinthians 7. And even as Christ (Mt. 19:12) praises eunuchs who castrated themselves for the sake of the kingdom of Christ, so we also teach that the retention of virginity is a good work, and useful for giving constant attention to studies and meditation, to prayer and to ecclesiastical offices, even as Paul says (I Co. 7:32-33) that he that is married cares for the things that are of the world, whereas the celibate (cares for) the things that belong to the Lord. For domestic concerns hinder the married person from being able to show that constant attention which is beneficial to studies and public duties; but a celibate is freer and can give greater attention to learning, teaching and other functions, and is less often diverted from these pursuits. And so it is advantageous to choose and have in the churches ministers who are completely celibate. Those who seem to be suited to that ought to be encouraged to preserve the gift of God for the benefit of the Church with diligence and temperance, and they ought to be instructed that this estate pleases God and has great rewards.

But since Christ himself bears witness that not all are suited to perpetual celibacy, therefore we hold that marriage ought not to be forbidden those who are not suited to celibacy; neither can it be prohibited by human vows or laws, because human vows are not able to free us from the divine law and the right of nature. For this is a divine law (I Co. 7:2, 9), that everyone who does not have the gift of continency should have a wife in order to avoid fornication. And the right of natures is a desire for union in keeping with right reason. To this natural drive, which (the Greeks) call “storge”, there has been added concupiscence, which inflames nature all the more, so that there is all the more need of marriage as a kind of remedy.

The law however, which prohibits the marriage of priests, is a purely human tradition. Indeed, this new tradition, which forbids the marriage of priests and which dissolves marriages, did not arise from the councils, but only from the Roman bishops.

Purity before God, however, consists in not polluting one’s conscience but in obeying God. Therefore impure celibacy is not purity, but marriage is purity, since it is sanctified by the Word of God. Thus Paphnutius said that conjugal custom is continency. For we well know that this state of life pleases God and gives full scope for the exercise of godliness, and for that reason the Church for a long time, not only in the east but also in the west, had priests who were married.

And history books bear witness to the fact that this custom was changed in Spain and Germany by force, and the Greek churches still have married priests. And so marriage is not impurity or a state unbecoming to ministers in the churches. But what sad examples and how much shameful impurity the law of the Bishop of Rome has imposed on the churches is no secret. And since a divine law prescribes marriage for those who cannot show continence, we judge that the papal prohibition concerning marriage is illegitimate, and that the marriage of priests ought to be permitted.

From the Wittenberg Articles of 1536.
(As translated in Documents of the English Reformation, edited by Gerald Bray, 150-152.)

I delivered the following remarks at my maternal grandmother’s funeral three years ago today. I made impromptu additions at the end of this text; I don’t have an exact record of those remarks but have inserted what I recall at the bottom of this post.
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What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?
God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?
Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?
Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection:
Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.
For he that is dead is freed from sin.
Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him:
Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him.
For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God.
Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
(Romans 6.1-11, KJV)

This afternoon, we mark time. We mark the departure of our loved one–her departure from the life of finite struggle. She was by no means a perfect creature. But, she served the perfect Creator. And, so, her departure from us means but an arrival in the presence of One more real than this world. This life is uncertain and unsure. But, Grandmother’s hope was not in this life; her hope was not in herself or other people, even us. Her hope sprang eternal in her soul; the water she drank was living water running from the streams of heaven. Her soul was in safety despite her earthly struggles. Now, her soul is in a safety more real; her body is in peace; and her spirit is comforted.

Over the past several months, we’ve watched our beloved sister, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother as she suffered in pain of body and as she struggled in her soul. We question ourselves and we question God. Why was this necessary? We can find no answer that undoes the pain she bore. But, we can find satisfaction in knowing that the One who holds her soul in his hand even now, was present with her all along.

In his book The Problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis wrote

The problem of reconciling human suffering with the existence of a God who loves, is only insoluble so long as we attach a trivial meaning to the word ‘love’, and look on things as if man were the centre of them. Man is not the centre. God does not exist for the sake of man. Man does not exist for his own sake. ‘Thou has created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.’ We were made not primarily that we may love God (though we were made for that too) but that God may love us, that we may become objects in which the Divine love may rest ‘well pleased.’

Those who knew Grandmother, knew that her life was not about herself. Instead, her life was about someone she considered far greater than herself. Her life was about her Savior, Jesus Christ. Throughout her suffering, she wanted nothing more than to enjoy her precious Savior. In God’s loving her, her love was turned to him. Her life bespoke the great mystery of godliness. In her, God’s love is well pleased.

She lived a life that was defined by her Savior, not by herself. George MacDonald wrote that “The Son of God suffered unto the death, not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like His.” Indeed, her sufferings were like his. And, today, she has the joy of his eternal presence in a way more real than she could enjoy in this world.

One of the things I remember about Grandmother is that she would sometimes remark that one of her children or grandchildren hadn’t been to see her in a while. For years, I have considered this complaint to be nothing but an expression of selfishness and self-pity on her part. But, today, when I look back on her glorious life, I can say that no more. Grandmother loved all her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She loved her sister and brother. She loved all of her family and friends. When I reflect on her life, today, I realize that her complaint was not an expression of selfishness; instead, it was an expression of love. Grandmother wanted her family members to come close to her so she could pour her love on them.

She always looked with joy on the faces of her beloved. She was always ready with a hug and a kind greeting. And, no matter how much she disliked something done to her, she was always forgiving and her love overcame all. She was like her Savior in that way. He who loved her, forgave her. She, in turn, shared her love and forgiveness with us–her family and friends. No doubt, we all will remember some unkind thing we said to her or, perhaps, some word of rebuke she spoke to us. But, we who knew her cannot help but remember her words of kindness, the sparkles of joy in her eyes when she looked on our faces, the words of truth she spoke.

Today, we part company with Grandmother for the final time. We shall see her no more on this earth. But, her words speak to us from beyond the grave. How? Well, her most constant words to us were the words of her King Jesus. As I read from Paul’s letter to the Church at Rome, Grandmother was crucified with Christ. She was baptized into his death that she might be resurrected into his life. The life she lived was not of herself; it was the eternal life of her Savior. And that is what she beckoned all of us to do–to follow Christ, to follow him wherever he leads.

Will we ignore her words of salvation? Do the last thirty years of her life’s devotion represent to us only the peculiarities of her personality? Or, do they resound within our hearts the call of Grandmother to come and meet her Savior? She passed from this life calling on the name of Jesus; she passed from this life reaching for her blessed Savior. We must decide today whether we will only love this great woman or whether we will also find her devotion to God to be important. When we consider her life, her love for us is evident. When we consider her life, her love for Christ is evident. Her love for us was important. Is her love for her Savior also important for us?

Her voice calls to us from beyond the grave, recalling the words of the saint: “…Choose you, this day, whom you will serve; …but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

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[Lying in bed at the moment of her death, Grandmother turned her head heavenward, threw her blankets off, stretched out her arm, and said "Jesus" as a single tear rolled down her cheek; I made reference to this event with connection to the hymn "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus."]

As she left this earth, Grandmother turned her eyes upon Jesus, looked full in his wonderful face; and the things of earth grew strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.